Letters to my Dad part 1

Dear Dad,

I don't want you to die!  That's the only thing running through my head over and over and I need to tell you that.  I'm so scared to live a life without you.  I don't know how to do it- and I don't want to do it.  Who is going to give me blessings?  Who is going to ask me how my car is running?  If I've check the oil lately?  Who is going to ask how my finances are?  Who is going to call me Goose?  Who is going to drop every thing and drive hundreds of miles to come rescue me?  No one can ever fill the role of Dad for me but you.

You sacrificed so much of your time and money and health to provide for me and the rest of the family.  I can never thank you enough for always supporting and encouraging me to pursue my dreams.

This is not how I thought life would turn out.  I want my husband to know you.  I want my kids to know and have their grandpa to hang out with, to go camping and hiking with.  I'm so sad that is not going to happen now.

I will miss you everyday Dad.  I'll miss your making up and singing songs.  I'll miss your graph paper.  I'll miss you asking how I am.  I'll miss your methodical planning of gardens and room configurations.  I'll miss your fathers blessings you freely gave.  I'll miss you hosing off the patio after a long Saturdays work.  I'll miss you wearing your Santa Hat and being so excited to give gifts to us.  I'll miss hearing your voice, getting your emails and hearing you pray.  I'll miss letters in ALL CAPS.  I'll miss my yearly Valentines poem.

But Dad, I know where to find you...

I can find you in my garden.  Every time I plan, plant, weed and harvest from my own garden I'll find you.  I can find you every time I hike, backpack and camp under the stars.  I'll look up and find you.  I'll find you in a clean bathroom and as I mop floors in a figure 8.  I'll find you on the graph paper I use to make plans.  I'll find you when I collect chicken eggs- or raise a pygmy goat.  I'll find you every time I sing, "Precious Savior, Dear Redeemer."  Or when I teach my family "Softly Falls."  I'll find you in the perfect fried egg sandwich or hamburger.

Daddy, I love you.  I always will.  I know we will be with each other again.  I'm so blessed to have you as my Dad.  Thank you for always bearing testimony to me of our Savior and our temple covenants.  I will live daily to make you proud and in a way that allows us to be united as a family once again.

With all my heart, your,
Goose

ONE

Have you heard of Ali Edwards?

I found her blog way back in 2007 when I had the most boring job in the world.  She focuses on telling the stories of our lives.  One of her big things is picking a word for the upcoming year to focus on.  She likes to let the word find her as she contemplates the new year.  You can read about it here.  Last year, 2011 was going to be my second year doing this.  My first year was 2010... I picked ACHIEVE.  Around Thanksgiving 2010 I started to think about 2011, and what I really desired most in my life.  I was led to the word ONE.  That word seemed funny to me; most people choose words like Health, Happiness, Forgiveness, Movement etc.  Actions or Emotions.  But ONE kept coming back to me every time I thought about a new word. I tried to think about why ONE.

As I focused on that word I realized it was because what I was desiring the most in my life at that time was to become ONE with Jeremy and together ONE with God.  I knew there was something a little off, but nothing that couldn't be fixed if I really worked hard.  I started to look up quotes and scripture to help me figure out how to better be ONE as husband and wife.  I was gearing up for the best year of marriage yet!

Little did I know how important that word ONE would turn out to be to me.  5 days before Christmas 2010, I learned why I felt something was a little off between Jeremy and I.  At that moment, I still felt like we could work together and become ONE.  That was my sincere desire and intention.  As 2011 started, my story to be told changed from becoming ONE with Jeremy and God to becoming ONE... a single individual again, desperately trying to be ONE with God still.

It's amazing to me that a single word can have so much impact.  As the days leading up to my divorce marched on, I repeated over and over to myself...

"Get up ONE more time"
"You can make in through ONE more day"
"ONE more step"
"ONE more decision"
"ONE day you'll be okay, just keep going"

As I ran my 1/2 marathon, I chanted "ONE foot in front of the other"

While I face the death of my Father I find myself saying Thank You to Heavenly Father for ONE more day with him.  I got to say, "Good Night, Daddy.  I love you." ONE more time tonight.

The impact of a single word can never be overstated.  It pulled me through some dark, rough days this year and is still doing so these last few days or so with my Dad.

My story this year wasn't what I thought it was going to be, and it's okay because I'm a whole, complete individual again.  I'm:

ONE

and now

I'm going to focus on being

OPEN

Anchor

Sometimes I don't post because I feel like if I do you will think I'm bi-polar.  One week I'm really good, the next I'm not so much.  As I've been contemplating that phenomena in my life I realized that I feel like my emotions as of late are pure reaction to outside circumstances.  I've never really felt like that before.  I'm a visual person, so when I can actually visual how I'm feeling it makes more sense to me.  After expressing my thoughts to Joie, and feeling okay about my emotions (because Joie is good at that), I came up with this analogy...

I'm a weather buoy that has snapped the chain to it's anchor and I'm being driven to and fro by the waves and currents.

Everything makes more sense to me when I speak about the ocean... weird.

So the next question is what is going to keep me from being so tossed around.  I know what my anchor is- Christ and His Gospel- but what am I going to build my new chain with to make sure it doesn't snap, or stretch too much?  What do you do to regulate your emotions and not feel so tossed about by the circumstances of life?

Lately and Currently

I can't believe it's been just over a month since I last posted.  Time flies.

Lately...

+ I enjoyed my first Thanksgiving home in over 6 years.  Including a marathon game of charades and a falconer (aka. my nephew Sawyer and his stuffed angry bird).  Loved being with my family. 

+ Nightly games of Settlers of Cattan with Andy and Alina... and winning the majority of them!

+ Making cupcakes for my sister-in-law, Alina's, baby shower.  She's having the first granddaughter.  It's a big deal!

+ Playing with Danny as much as possible... today he's pretending to be the parrot, I'm pretending to be the pirate

+ Finished the semester... straight A's so far... not all grades have been posted yet

+ Decorated Mom and Dad's new place for Christmas

+ Zoo lights with the family

Currently...

+ Packing up even more of my life and moving it into the family storage unit, a.k.a. Andy's Basement.  I'm moving up to my parent's apartment in Salt Lake City.  It's a small two bedroom, with not much space for my stuff.  The name of the game is minimalism for the next few months while I live there and do my student teaching.

+ Trying to notice the beauty in this frozen place... like this giant full moon before the sunset.

+ Taking as many self portraits with my Dad as I can

Birthday Shenanigans

 My Birthday was awesome.  It started first with Kumquat cake for breakfast every day for a week!

Mom made me Kumquat cake!

 Then I flew to Arizona.  And stayed with Megan, Erik and OJ.  They are so good to me, and so generous and kind.  Such great friends to have!

Bottom of the Bridge

Self portrait at the Top

Group photo



More fun than you'd think



Fried pickles- LOVE

  

Jesse and I




End of the RV demo derby




First time cleaning a turkey



Turkey was perfect

Apple Strusel Cheesecake Bites

GREAT!

As in I feel GREAT!

When I typed that into a chat session with my sister, she asked if she was really talking to Abbie.  And I could honestly answer yes.  The events leading up to my trip to Arizona, plus the time with dear friends there worked magic!

1. James, Alicia and Xander came to town Halloween weekend.  I'm so happy we got to meet up and hang out.  I feel so blessed to know them and to have their guidance.  From our conversations, and the questions James asked I think it's time to start looking for a social life and to meet new people.  I think it's time to stop looking at myself as broken, in need of some fixing.  There is nothing wrong with me that should prevent me from making new friends, from dating and getting married again!  If feels great to say that.  It's freeing.

2. One day while walking on campus I was pondering over what lessons I was supposed to learn through experiencing divorce.  What purpose did Heavenly Father have in allowing this to happen?  Was I supposed to learn practical relationship things?  How to be a better wife?  How to communicate more effectively?  How to survive on my own?  While I'm sure I have learned some of that stuff.  I really feel like this experience was for me to increase and solidify my testimony, my faith and my commitment to the Gospel.  I now know the source of my hope and salvation.  I now know that God watches over me and really prepares paths at any point that we can travel that lead back to Him.  I know He loves me.  I know the source of truth. 

As I was pondering this I saw in my head a red rock plateau that I was walking on... enjoying life, having a testimony, but not really growing or progressing... feeling a bit lacking, but not really knowing it.  Then I saw myself walking up a really steep incline... and realizing that through experiencing this really tough incline I feel a deeper anchor- a deeper knowledge, a more sure foundation.  I just FEEL deeper, like I have experience in life that is now available to help others around me.  I think that is one of the purposes that God had in mind when this happened... that I would be more SOLID, and therefore better able to help other people.

3. The timing of my trip to Arizona couldn't have been more perfect for me personally.  I think the two previous events had my mind in the perfect position to take a break from the stresses in my life (school and my Dad's health) and ponder over this past year some more and over what I want this next year to be like.  Being among trusted, dear friends (Megan Ruth, Erik, Jesse, and Ben) helped me to be able to vocalize my thoughts and concerns, to hear their testimonies and be reminded of who I am as a person.  I was really reluctant to get back on the plane.  I haven't felt more like myself in a very long time!  Every time I make a trip down there, I fall a little bit more in love with that place.


As a result, I finally feel ready to make some goals (a real necessity in my life), to open myself up to new possibilities and to be happy even while in the midst of adversity. 

And feeling happy, feels like myself!

Choice

The other day I decided to dash up to the temple after classes.  Normally I turn off the radio, but for some reason I left it on.  I had it tuned to NPR and the conversation instantly drew me in.  The Poet/Author (I don't know her name) was talking about her brother who while he was in a long, slow process of dying said, "Pain is inevitable.  Suffering is a choice."  That caught my attention even more.  I turned off the radio and started to ponder what that really meant to me.  I was anxious to get inside the temple to ponder even more.  As I sat inside I started to read about suffering and how Christ suffered for our pains and afflictions, so that we don't have to.

For behold, I, God, have ^asuffered these things for all, that they might not ^bsuffer if they would ^crepent;

http://lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/19.16?lang=eng#15

That day has since impacted me deeply.  Just the week before I had noted in my journal that I was tired of being sad.  That I felt like there was constantly a heavy blanket of sadness laid over me and that it was suffocating me.  I was functional; going to school, doing my homework, showering etc.  But I didn't really feel much but sadness.

So as I pondered suffering and pain in the temple I realized that I was choosing to suffer, I was choosing to be sad still.  By choosing to lean on my own strength, by holding on to hurt, pain, disappointment, heartache and protecting my pride... I was choosing to suffer.  I can choose another way.  I can choose to lean on Christ as my Savior and have his suffering stand in place of mine.  I don't have to suffer any more!  Pain-Yes, it's inevitable.  Suffering- NO!!!

I have HOPE again.  While I know that doing the above is easier said than done, I at least feel hope again.  Hope in the day when my suffering stops because I choose to have Christ's suffering for me to stand in place.  Each time I consciously do this I feel this blanket of sadness lift.  It's beautiful.

Solid Week

Last night during dinner my friends' little 5 year old boy, Tyler, said, "It's been a solid day!"  We all got a good laugh out of it.  And Tyler inspired my post this week, because it's been a solid week!

This week started with 2 finals and one major test, and another quiz.  All by Wednesday.  I was exhausted.  My brain was DONE.  Thank goodness the rest of the week wasn't quite so busy.  This is what made my whole week solid:

Churro Cupcakes.... there's nothing like trying a new recipe the night before two finals.  It was a good stress reliever.

A temple trip... now that two class are done, it's real easy to just slip up to the temple after my new class on Tuesday and Thursday mornings

Watching my nephews on campus while their Mom guest lectured

A Family Party Friday night

A BYU football game with friends from my old BYU ward and our old bishop

An Imagine Dragons concert with my new friend Emily!

Here's an Imagine Dragons video:

and if you like their music, you can listen for free on their website

Learning

Some things I'm learning this school year...

• My cold weather clothes I had in Washington, just doesn't cut it here in Utah
• Using an old credit card for my ice scraper, is not going to work here in Utah
• If I don't want to wear my smelly sports bra all day, then I need to remember to pack a regular one in my back pack
• Getting my haircut and colored is much cheaper in Provo
• Trying to do homework while my Dad watches NCIS isn't very productive
• Riding my bike 10 miles to school in the morning is very therapeutic... I just need to remember that at 5:30 am when my alarm goes off
• I get road rage when I'm on my bike... don't ever ride up close behind me and honk, I just might crash and if I don't, I'll yell at you (not that you'll hear me since your windows are rolled up)
• I LOVE live music- especially outside and free
• Heavenly Father always provides me with friends wherever I am!

Part 2

Blogger is finicky sometimes... it didn't post my whole post.  So here is the rest of the story...

My sister's email helped me through to the weekend, where I thought going to the temple would bring me some peace.  Unfortunately my trip to the temple, just caused more and more crazy headiness (technical term I promise) because my name on my recommend does not match the name in the computer.  Needless to say I had to explain the whole divorce and legal name change a few times, ending in the Temple recorders office, before they let me in.  But I made it in, a little bit a peace came.

But Sunday my head was still spinning.  And I went to church fasting for one thing: A calm mind.  Once again Heavenly Father showed to me clearly he is aware of me through the testimonies of others and the lesson in Relief Society.  See, back in April President Packer gave a talk on the Holy Ghost.  He shared a story, which included the phrase "Leave it Alone".  That phrase alone has helped me through some possible sticky situations with the divorce the last six months.  But for some reason the last month, the phrase had escaped my daily affirmations in my head.  Until, I opened the Ensign, and turned to the lesson for the day... it was President Packers talk.  Tears just started to flow (see I cry at everything).  Those words were meant for me.  I once again read his final statement:

If you are carrying some burden, forget it, let it alone. Do a lot of forgiving and a little repenting, and you will be visited by the Spirit of the Holy Ghost and confirmed by the testimony that you did not know existed. You will be watched over and blessed—you and yours. This is an invitation to come unto Him.

 

I was quickly reminded by the Spirit that I needed to forgive myself for what happened and press forward.  I need to "Leave it Alone"

So the point of my last 2 posts is this:  Heavenly Father knows each of you.  He knows what we need.  He's aware of us, no matter where or what we may be doing.  And most importantly for me right now: He is very much aware of Jeremy and has prepared people and ways for him to come back to the gospel.  That brings me Peace of Mind!

I'm not really sure what to write about tonight.  The thing that is on my mind the most is just how keenly aware Heavenly Father is about each and everyone of us. 

I'm not sure what is really happening in my head right now, but the last two weeks have been especially hard.  I feel like I'm back in the emotional space I was last May... and that is far from what I want to experience and relive.  In fact, if I could erase that month, I'd be more than happy.  I seem to cry at everything... in fact the little kitten crying outside as I type this is causing me to cry.

My Cultural Diorama

If you had to pick 3 things from your home that represent your background, traditions, and daily activities, What would you pick?  That was my assignment for a class I'm taking.  First I had to pick a "label" that would synthesize who I am.  Then pick 3 objects, and write a little bit about how each artifact represents who I am.  This is what I came up with:

Religious, Goal-Setting Naturalist from a close-knit family

Count Your Blessings- My beliefs about spiritual matters are the foundation of who I am.  They inform my actions and set the framework for my life.  Inherent in those beliefs is the virtue of gratitude. I don’t believe in Luck, I believe in Blessings.  Recognizing the source of those blessings, my loving Heavenly Father, keeps me humble and focused on the positives of life.  I keep this poster front and center in my room as a reminder that even when life doesn't seem so great, there's a blessing somewhere... I just have to open my eyes and heart and I'll find it!

Binoculars- I am a naturalist.  Naturalists study plants, animals and all things in the natural world mostly by observation rather than experimental methods.  I believe it to be a way to approach and view life.  I’m always looking for connections, trying to figure out why things (mostly in the natural world) are the way they are.  I want to know their names, why they live where they do, and watch their interactions with other organisms and their environment.  Binoculars and field guides are my tools; I don’t leave home without them.  This approach to life has also influenced how I interact with people.  I'm curious to know their names and what makes them unique- we all have something.

30 B4 30- Some of my earliest memories involve “job charts.”  Watching those tiny squares fill up with stickers brought me much satisfaction.  I was taught to decide what you want, and who you want to be then chart a course to reach those goals.  If you don’t make it the first time, keep trying until you do. I’m constantly negotiating new goals and path to achieve them.  I decided to set 30 goals to accomplish before I turned 30.  For that year I focused on these goals.  They ranged from doing a sprint triathlon to reading all 4 Standard Works. My aim is to always be progressing, to be improving myself.  Life is to be lived on purpose, with a purpose!

Blessed

I almost titled this blog post as "Lucky" but I know these things aren't luck, they are blessings from above!

I am completely blessed to be living with my little brother, Andy, my sister-in-law, Alina and my nephew, Danny.  They graciously opened their home to me. 



Alina, Andy, Danny camping self-portrait



I never thought my little brother would be the one helping me out.  But it doesn't surprise me.  We've been good friends since we were little.  Andy was the one I ran to when I came home in January trying to make sense of what was happening in my life.  We used to go on Sunday drives together and just sing and talk.  I am truly blessed to have him as my brother and friend.



Andy and I Oak City Canyon on a Sunday Drive



Alina is awesome.  She put up with Andy and I deciding to do a "juice fast" my first week living in their house.  PLUS, she cooks me dinner every night.  I leave around 5:45 every morning and spend all day at school.  It is so nice to come home and have something to eat.  BYU vending is getting way too much of my change these days, so having a home cooked meal at night is wonderful.  Alina also loves live music and has gone to a few concerts with me this summer.  It's nice to have a girl friend to hang out with and talk to in person.



Camera Fun before going to bed

And then there's Danny.  Though I think the novelty of having me live in his house has worn off for him, I'm still loving it.  As evidenced by the pictures we took together last night.  I'm also enjoying 'racing' him to eat his food, when he's having a hard time focusing and taking the required amount of bites to leave the table.  He says the funniest things and is always wanting to play pretend.  He's always saying, "Why don't you pretend to be the princess and I'll pretend to be the (pirate, prince, dragon)"  And nothing beats the kiss and hug before bedtime!

Thank you Andy, Alina and Danny for sharing your home with me!  I love each of you (and the little one who is coming soon!)



Super Cute Sunday

So today I ventured outside my comfort zone and went to church at a Young Single Adult ward.  And I was pleasantly surprised.  While I don't really feel like a young single adult anymore, it was good to be at church with that crowd. 

When I was still an undergraduate we used to call the first Sunday of any semester "Super Cute Sunday".  It's your chance to make a first impression with just how cute you are.  While I laughed to myself getting ready super early this morning (who gives YSA's a start time of 8:30?) about having to go through a Super Cute Sunday again, I realized that I really just wanted to be at church to feel uplifted, not to impress anyone.  That was a good feeling, and erased any apprehension I had about going to church.

This week was hard.  I love being at school.  I felt like a chicken with my head cut off, running around aimlessly trying to figure our exactly what I need to have done and when the best time to do it is.  I didn't feel really grounded or sane.  I think that put me in a mental state that when I faced a few triggers this week (a random picture of Jeremy and I popping up, a classmate making a comment about the permanent and eternal nature of marriages, assigned readings talking about unconditional love) I didn't cope very well.  Lots of tears.  Lots of doubting.  Lots of feeling alone, isolated and that I don't quite belong.

That is why church was so good today.  My circumstances haven't changed from this week to this morning.  But I felt peace.  And that is all I wanted from being at church.  My prayer was answered... as it always is!

Home

First day of school... I should have taken a picture (instead you get to see a really bright photo of my graduation 10 years ago).  I felt just as excited as I always do going to school.  I loved waiting for the bus in the early morning. I loved wading through the sea of students percolating through campus finding their way to class.  I loved the enthusiasm my professors exuded.  I loved helping a few freshman find their way to the right buildings.  And I loved treating myself to some BYU creamery ice cream while I waited for my bus home.

It felt really great to be back on campus.  I felt at home.  Some people use the word home very strictly.  Home to me is any place I feel at peace being myself.  BYU is one of those places!  Do you have any places like that for you?

I've only got 2 semesters.  This Fall I'm taking 17 credits full of botany, teaching methods, tecnology for teachers, adolescent development, content area literacy, lab safety, teaching students with disabilities, and multicultural education.  It's going to be a BUSY semester.  Then in the Winter semester I do my student teaching!  It will fly by fast.  I'm excited for all that I'm going to learn.  And I'm excited for the opportunities going back to school will open up for me.

I really hope you and your children all have an exciting first few days of school!

I'll stay

Tonight I miss Washington so much it hurts.  Not just the state, but my life there... my family, my friends, my hopes and dreams.  Good thing the Hartely's are coming for a visit this weekend.

I do love living closer to my brothers.  This week I got to help Mike build his house (I use the term help loosely here... mostly I stood and followed him around, gave people drinks, and fried my face).  I also got to spend a day with Andy, we headed to this HUGE cabin he built (for a client) to work on the final punch list.  Once again I mostly stood and watched.  But I love spending time with all my family.  That's what Utah has going for it.  That and the quakies.

Guess I'll stay... for now.

Contraction

This past week I've been pondering the ideas of contraction and expansion.  While reading a book called Perfectly Yourself by Matthew Kelly I came upon this statement:

"Discipline is a contraction that produces an expansion"



To contract is to make smaller or to condense.  Expansion is to increase in size or volume; to spread out.  Expansion is an antonym for contraction.  If they mean opposite things then HOW can it be?

When I thought about it through the lens of discipline, I quickly came up with examples from my life.  For instance right before my senior year of high school, our athletic trainer gave our soccer team a training schedule to follow during the summer to keep up in shape.  I followed that to a T.  Even while vacationing at my grandparents in California.  I felt the best I ever felt that season.  When we started practices I noticed I could run faster and longer without getting tired.  My ability to run expanded.

While driving to work the other morning I realized discipline isn't the only contraction that can produce an expansion.  Everyday we are faced with moments of contraction, that if we allow can produce expansion.  Expansion of our faith, our hope, empathy, gratitude, our view of life, the things we dream of or think possible, our self worth and charity. 

Currently divorce has been trying to contract on  me, to make me feel smaller to condense my view of life and myself.  I've struggled (and still struggle) with who I am and the way I see myself.  I lost bits of my identity... being a wife, becoming a mother soon, serving with the young women etc.  It all happened so fast that for awhile I didn't quite feel like myself, I didn't recognize the person I saw staring back at me in the mirror.  With the help of family, friends, a skilled counselor and the Spirit I've been able to use this contraction to produce expansion in my life. 

I'm grateful for this momentary contraction that has expanded my faith in and understanding of Christ's Atonement.  My relationship with and trust in Heavenly Father and his love for me has grown exponentially.  I have a greater capacity to empathize with others.  I have more gratitude for the people in my life.  I have gained new hopes and dreams.  I believe and trust myself more. 

I don't think any of that would be possible to have without experiencing some sort of contraction.  I think they key is in how we respond to the contractions we are given.  I'm choosing to expand.

Forever

"You and I are believers in and preachers of a glorious gospel that can deepen all human relationships now as well as projecting all relationships into eternity.  Friendships, as well as families, are forever."

~ Neal A. Maxwell, All These Things Shall Give Thee Experience

I first read this a few months ago, and in that moment, I felt the Spirit confirm that truth to me.  For some reason I had never thought about Friendships being forever, just Families.  But over the last 6 months I have depended not only on my family but also on my friends to help me through this little ruff patch of my life.  Friends near and far, Friends from grade school to newly made have given me the support and encouragement that has made all the difference. 

Today, Pioneer Day, July 24th, would have been my wedding anniversary.  I thought this month would be the hardest for me, particularly this day.  As I talked to my counselor about what would be appropriate to mark the passing of this day, we discussed what things turn my hard days into easier ones.  One major thing that helps is to connect with my friends.  So the idea to host a party was born.  I have wonderful memories of my wedding day.  I seriously loved every moment of it.  And I decided to supplement those memories with other good memories for that day.  As I thought about why a party and my vision for it, I wrote this in my journal:

July 13, 2011

"I want to thank you all for coming over tonight.  Truth be told I wanted to host a party for each of you to express how grateful I am to know each of you.  This past 7 months have been the hardest 7 months of my life.  I've learned many things about life, but one of life's lessons that has been solidified in my mind is that "FRIENDSHIPS ARE ETERNAL."  I would not have made it to this point, this significant day without the unconditional love and support you have given me.  You've been the ears that hear my heartache, the tears that fall with mine, you've been there to encourage me to continue forward with life and dreams.  You've sent countless messages to tell me you're willing to talk and listen.  You've set me straight when my thinking needed some tweaking.  And most importantly you've born your testimonies of our Saviors love and ability to heal, of Heavenly Father's constant hand in our lives.  To Him I am eternally grateful for guiding our paths in this life to intersect and stay connected!  He knew I would need each and everyone of you.  And to each of you I am eternally grateful that you were willing to mourn with me, to comfort me and to bare some of my burdens.  So here's to you my eternal Friends!"

Friends have always been extremely important to me, and this year I learned why.  I needed you and you were there.

  Thank You.

Lunch Date

So here's a picture of my Lunch Date.  We have lunch everyday together.  I sit on a log and eat my sandwich (made with my homemade bread) and he laps his lunch out of the feeder. Laps, not sucks, because humming birds don't suck up nectar, their reallllllllly long tongue laps it up! (There's your natural history lesson for the day.)

He's more than a lunch date.  He visits multiple times a day.  If he's not at the window, I know where his favorite perch spots are.  And I know he's somewhere nearby when I here is little high pitched buzz flying around.

This is a Black Chinned Humming Bird.  He's quite a bully actually.  I used to have a Broad Tailed, or Caliope Humming Bird stopping by too, but he now chases them off.  I might have to add a few more feeders for all of them.

This first week of camp is almost over.  Time sure flies by fast.  I got to actually go play a game with the kids during some down time.  That was fun.  I'll have to try doing that more often!

My Summer Home

Last Thursday I stayed for the first night in my "Summer Home" (thanks for the name idea, Alicia!).  I love it.  I love Ogden Valley, it's beautiful! 

My place was part of my job offer.  It's a great space, and much more than I'll ever use.  So if you want to come visit, please do.  I'll only be here until August 9th and I have two extra bedrooms and bathrooms.

I have to admit that I'm liking having my own "house" again.  Playing house is fun.  I made bread last night for the first time since December; it felt awesome.  Creating is definitely a divine quality we all have and brings me so much joy. 

Here's a picture of my new office.  Thankfully it's not covered in snow right now.  I sit at my desk working on curriculum and plans for the coming weeks with views in every direction.  Today my boss walked in and caught me sitting at my desk looking out my binoculars toward the humming bird feeder.  Every time the little bird shows up and I pick up my binoculars it flies away.  So I decided to sit there for awhile with them already up and hope the bird came back.  I'm still working on it's name, I'm sure I'll get it ID'd tomorrow.

I'm loving my job so far.  It's so fun to help make this camp happen.  I've usually been on the teaching end of these programs, but to be the Director is a whole new experience.  One I've always wanted.  I really needed to take this job.  It means a lot to me both personally and professionally.  It's awesome.  I do miss actually teaching the kids, but I love the experiences I actually have with them.  For instance I made the walk up the road to the bathroom, but I didn't know quite where it was.  When I finally spotted it, I realized I had to bushwhack my way to it since I took a wrong turn.  So I was approaching thru the bushes and got to over hear a boy exclaim, "This is the best day of my life!"  Can't beat that for job satisfaction!  I just hope I can help facilitate experiences that make at least one kid exclaim that each day!