ONE

Have you heard of Ali Edwards?

I found her blog way back in 2007 when I had the most boring job in the world.  She focuses on telling the stories of our lives.  One of her big things is picking a word for the upcoming year to focus on.  She likes to let the word find her as she contemplates the new year.  You can read about it here.  Last year, 2011 was going to be my second year doing this.  My first year was 2010... I picked ACHIEVE.  Around Thanksgiving 2010 I started to think about 2011, and what I really desired most in my life.  I was led to the word ONE.  That word seemed funny to me; most people choose words like Health, Happiness, Forgiveness, Movement etc.  Actions or Emotions.  But ONE kept coming back to me every time I thought about a new word. I tried to think about why ONE.

As I focused on that word I realized it was because what I was desiring the most in my life at that time was to become ONE with Jeremy and together ONE with God.  I knew there was something a little off, but nothing that couldn't be fixed if I really worked hard.  I started to look up quotes and scripture to help me figure out how to better be ONE as husband and wife.  I was gearing up for the best year of marriage yet!

Little did I know how important that word ONE would turn out to be to me.  5 days before Christmas 2010, I learned why I felt something was a little off between Jeremy and I.  At that moment, I still felt like we could work together and become ONE.  That was my sincere desire and intention.  As 2011 started, my story to be told changed from becoming ONE with Jeremy and God to becoming ONE... a single individual again, desperately trying to be ONE with God still.

It's amazing to me that a single word can have so much impact.  As the days leading up to my divorce marched on, I repeated over and over to myself...

"Get up ONE more time"
"You can make in through ONE more day"
"ONE more step"
"ONE more decision"
"ONE day you'll be okay, just keep going"

As I ran my 1/2 marathon, I chanted "ONE foot in front of the other"

While I face the death of my Father I find myself saying Thank You to Heavenly Father for ONE more day with him.  I got to say, "Good Night, Daddy.  I love you." ONE more time tonight.

The impact of a single word can never be overstated.  It pulled me through some dark, rough days this year and is still doing so these last few days or so with my Dad.

My story this year wasn't what I thought it was going to be, and it's okay because I'm a whole, complete individual again.  I'm:

ONE

and now

I'm going to focus on being

OPEN