Letters to my Dad part 1

Dear Dad,

I don't want you to die!  That's the only thing running through my head over and over and I need to tell you that.  I'm so scared to live a life without you.  I don't know how to do it- and I don't want to do it.  Who is going to give me blessings?  Who is going to ask me how my car is running?  If I've check the oil lately?  Who is going to ask how my finances are?  Who is going to call me Goose?  Who is going to drop every thing and drive hundreds of miles to come rescue me?  No one can ever fill the role of Dad for me but you.

You sacrificed so much of your time and money and health to provide for me and the rest of the family.  I can never thank you enough for always supporting and encouraging me to pursue my dreams.

This is not how I thought life would turn out.  I want my husband to know you.  I want my kids to know and have their grandpa to hang out with, to go camping and hiking with.  I'm so sad that is not going to happen now.

I will miss you everyday Dad.  I'll miss your making up and singing songs.  I'll miss your graph paper.  I'll miss you asking how I am.  I'll miss your methodical planning of gardens and room configurations.  I'll miss your fathers blessings you freely gave.  I'll miss you hosing off the patio after a long Saturdays work.  I'll miss you wearing your Santa Hat and being so excited to give gifts to us.  I'll miss hearing your voice, getting your emails and hearing you pray.  I'll miss letters in ALL CAPS.  I'll miss my yearly Valentines poem.

But Dad, I know where to find you...

I can find you in my garden.  Every time I plan, plant, weed and harvest from my own garden I'll find you.  I can find you every time I hike, backpack and camp under the stars.  I'll look up and find you.  I'll find you in a clean bathroom and as I mop floors in a figure 8.  I'll find you on the graph paper I use to make plans.  I'll find you when I collect chicken eggs- or raise a pygmy goat.  I'll find you every time I sing, "Precious Savior, Dear Redeemer."  Or when I teach my family "Softly Falls."  I'll find you in the perfect fried egg sandwich or hamburger.

Daddy, I love you.  I always will.  I know we will be with each other again.  I'm so blessed to have you as my Dad.  Thank you for always bearing testimony to me of our Savior and our temple covenants.  I will live daily to make you proud and in a way that allows us to be united as a family once again.

With all my heart, your,
Goose