Two Years

Two years ago today I endured one of the hardest days of my entire life.
Two years ago today as I walked out of the elevator and saw Jeremy for the first time in 96 days I melted into his arms and couldn't stop crying for hours.
Two years ago today for the first time in my life I stepped foot in a court of law and nodded my head to the judge that my marriage could not be saved.
Two years ago today I signed final papers officially ending my marriage and the future I had planned on. 
Two years ago today I could not imagine ever being happy ever again.
Two years ago today I was lost.

Two years later I feel immense gratitude for that experience.
Two years later I have more empathy and compassion for those around me.
Two years later I'm more forgiving,accepting and open.
Two years later my testimony of the gospel has deeper roots.
Two years later I have hope in the future- whatever it brings.
Two years later I know my strength, and where that strength comes from.
Two years later I have found myself again.
Two years later I am the happiest I've ever been- joy as exceeding as my pain.

And as I typed that I remembered this post I wrote back then and realize that it came true.  I am extremely blessed.

Walkers

I don't know what it is about me, but for some reason I attract males who use walkers...

Meet Lucas. Lucas loves to spit up, chew on his hands, slobber, eat split pea soup, and practice walking. I have a date with Lucas every Wednesday night. Lately more often than that.  Last weekend we rode in the back of his parents car for 8 hours together. He couldn't keep his eyes off me! For almost the entire 8 hours he stared at me. Even in the dark. When I thought he was sleeping, I'd push a button on my cell phone to use as a light to check on him... and his giant eyes would be wide open starring at me. It became a little creepy. I think he's infatuated.

A while ago I followed the advice of a friend and signed up for a LDS dating website. Not much has come from it. A few conversations. A date (who promptly asked how many kids I wanted to have. Seriously. He didn't even know my last name at that point. Sheesh. Slow down buddy). And a lot of men "looking" at my profile. When one of those men "like" a picture or send me a flirt I get an email. I'm not going to lie, something leaps inside of me when one of those emails pop up. Butterflies.

A strange pattern has emerged. Most of these likes and flirts are coming from older men. As in OLDER men.

GCDOW- age 58
LEO03- age 57
GEORGE1 - age 65

I could go on, but I think you get the picture.  I don't know what it is about my profile that screams, "Hey Guys, I'm only 32, but I like my men OLD!"  Are they just trying to be nice? Trying to boost a girls confidence?  I don't get it.  I'm often mistaken to be way younger than I am.  What about this profile picture entices the guys who are 20+ year older than me to flirt with me.  That's like having my Dad flirt with me.  CREEPY!

And just to prove a point. I went to church with friends last weekend in California. As we were walking to class we passed an OLDER gentleman walking very slowly with a walker. I walked into the room first, found us a place to sit and we all sat down and visited quietly waiting for the class to start. The before mentioned older gentleman entered the room, and paused at the front for a few seconds. He headed towards me. I just thought he was going to take a seat. Instead he comes right up to me and asks me to give the opening prayer. Out of everyone in the room, many people whom he knows, he some how found and approached me. I leaned over to Megan right before the prayer and said, "See, I attract males who use walkers."

Heaven help us all if this is how my post-divorce dating life continues... That's not to say I haven't had some wonderful dates or haven't met some awesome people...it's just a recent trend.