Choice

The other day I decided to dash up to the temple after classes.  Normally I turn off the radio, but for some reason I left it on.  I had it tuned to NPR and the conversation instantly drew me in.  The Poet/Author (I don't know her name) was talking about her brother who while he was in a long, slow process of dying said, "Pain is inevitable.  Suffering is a choice."  That caught my attention even more.  I turned off the radio and started to ponder what that really meant to me.  I was anxious to get inside the temple to ponder even more.  As I sat inside I started to read about suffering and how Christ suffered for our pains and afflictions, so that we don't have to.

For behold, I, God, have ^asuffered these things for all, that they might not ^bsuffer if they would ^crepent;

http://lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/19.16?lang=eng#15

That day has since impacted me deeply.  Just the week before I had noted in my journal that I was tired of being sad.  That I felt like there was constantly a heavy blanket of sadness laid over me and that it was suffocating me.  I was functional; going to school, doing my homework, showering etc.  But I didn't really feel much but sadness.

So as I pondered suffering and pain in the temple I realized that I was choosing to suffer, I was choosing to be sad still.  By choosing to lean on my own strength, by holding on to hurt, pain, disappointment, heartache and protecting my pride... I was choosing to suffer.  I can choose another way.  I can choose to lean on Christ as my Savior and have his suffering stand in place of mine.  I don't have to suffer any more!  Pain-Yes, it's inevitable.  Suffering- NO!!!

I have HOPE again.  While I know that doing the above is easier said than done, I at least feel hope again.  Hope in the day when my suffering stops because I choose to have Christ's suffering for me to stand in place.  Each time I consciously do this I feel this blanket of sadness lift.  It's beautiful.