Over and Over

"I don't want to start over."

That's what I told my mom last night.  Being at school with middle schooler's is such a nice distraction from life.  I'm really enjoying.  But by the time my mom got home last night, I just couldn't keep the tears back.  I was consumed by the above thought.

See, I spent Saturday afternoon with my friend Dave Ullah.  We've been friends since Fall of 2000.  That's 11 years!  We went to lunch at a Middle Eastern place (I wanted ethnic, Dave is Pakistani), then toured some geothermal homes I was interested in and ended up at the Millcreek nursery spending over an hour helping Dave pick some house plants and pots for those plants.  Conversation is always good with Dave.  We started talking about his dating life... then it turned to mine (I don't have one).  Dave asked the litmus question, "Was I ready to start dating?"  I've been thinking about it for awhile now.  And I told him yes!  It's even made it on my list of 24 things to do in 2012.  I was feeling optimistic.  I told him I intended to attend the single adult ward here in Salt Lake.  He said, "Don't go with high expectations.  I went once and I've never been back."  (He goes to his family ward)

I went to church, I wasn't too nervous because the librarian at my school is in my ward so I figured I'd have an automatic friend.  I'm friendly, and I like people, but I can be quiet and reserved when I don't know anyone.  I walked in to church and was completely overwhelmed with how EXTREMELY HUGE the ward is.  I'm telling you it's more like a stake conference than a ward.  Really.  I wouldn't lie about that.  I don't know how I'll ever see the same people twice.  Ironically, one of my oldest brothers good friend from California goes to that ward.  When I saw him in Sunday school he turned around and said, "Abbie, aren't you like still 18... you're not supposed to be here."

Needless to say, I came home from church feeling really lost and insignificant, and overwhelmed.  How am I ever going to make friends, meet people to date?  I told my mom that afternoon that I hope people I know, know people that they think I should meet and go on a date with because I don't think I can do this again.

Then snowpocalypse hits Seattle, and I'm feeling really homesick.  Homesick for those wonderful days bundled up at home with Jeremy.  Homesick for my friends in Seattle and other places.  I have THE most awesome friends, and I just want to be with you all... not trying to make new ones.

I'm trying to tell myself to stay OPEN (my word for 2012). 
I'm not giving up. 

(but seriously... know anyone you think I'd get along with?)