In my Element

I started my student teaching earlier this month.  I was placed at Olympus Jr. High here in Salt Lake.  I'm REALLY liking it so far.  I completely took over teaching the 7th grade classes this week and I'll be taking over 9th as well next week.  I was a bit nervous and worried how to switch from one teacher who has a different classroom management style than I prefer, but I just laid down the law for my 7th graders and they seem to be going along with it.

Today, my third day in charge, my mentor teacher left on a field trip.  I felt completely at ease and in control.  Each day this week, as I've began class I have just had a feeling like I'm in my element.  It's an awesome feeling.  It's not just feeling capable, but a reassurance that I'm doing the right thing.  I love that.

One of my new favorite words is Skelitive.  On Monday I did a little pre-assessment activity, and one kid listed under the different body systems- Skelitive.  It was classic. 

My biggest challenge, is doing all the details of my lesson plans.  I have great, big ideas.  But putting forth all the effort in the details to make the big ideas happen.... is a bit painful.  It's been that way my whole life.  Hopefully one day it will get easier... or I'll find a teacher who likes to collaborate AND who is good at details.  In the meantime, my Mom has offered to help (Perk #289 for living with my Mom).

Over and Over

"I don't want to start over."

That's what I told my mom last night.  Being at school with middle schooler's is such a nice distraction from life.  I'm really enjoying.  But by the time my mom got home last night, I just couldn't keep the tears back.  I was consumed by the above thought.

See, I spent Saturday afternoon with my friend Dave Ullah.  We've been friends since Fall of 2000.  That's 11 years!  We went to lunch at a Middle Eastern place (I wanted ethnic, Dave is Pakistani), then toured some geothermal homes I was interested in and ended up at the Millcreek nursery spending over an hour helping Dave pick some house plants and pots for those plants.  Conversation is always good with Dave.  We started talking about his dating life... then it turned to mine (I don't have one).  Dave asked the litmus question, "Was I ready to start dating?"  I've been thinking about it for awhile now.  And I told him yes!  It's even made it on my list of 24 things to do in 2012.  I was feeling optimistic.  I told him I intended to attend the single adult ward here in Salt Lake.  He said, "Don't go with high expectations.  I went once and I've never been back."  (He goes to his family ward)

I went to church, I wasn't too nervous because the librarian at my school is in my ward so I figured I'd have an automatic friend.  I'm friendly, and I like people, but I can be quiet and reserved when I don't know anyone.  I walked in to church and was completely overwhelmed with how EXTREMELY HUGE the ward is.  I'm telling you it's more like a stake conference than a ward.  Really.  I wouldn't lie about that.  I don't know how I'll ever see the same people twice.  Ironically, one of my oldest brothers good friend from California goes to that ward.  When I saw him in Sunday school he turned around and said, "Abbie, aren't you like still 18... you're not supposed to be here."

Needless to say, I came home from church feeling really lost and insignificant, and overwhelmed.  How am I ever going to make friends, meet people to date?  I told my mom that afternoon that I hope people I know, know people that they think I should meet and go on a date with because I don't think I can do this again.

Then snowpocalypse hits Seattle, and I'm feeling really homesick.  Homesick for those wonderful days bundled up at home with Jeremy.  Homesick for my friends in Seattle and other places.  I have THE most awesome friends, and I just want to be with you all... not trying to make new ones.

I'm trying to tell myself to stay OPEN (my word for 2012). 
I'm not giving up. 

(but seriously... know anyone you think I'd get along with?)

Year in Review via Cupcakes

After I read through my year in review post I realized there were major parts of my life missing that I didn't want to forget.  Like how incredibly happy I am that I got to build friendships with all my nephews.  They are so precious!

 

  

And then there are all the cupcakes (and other baked goods) I made this year.  I don't know what it is about cupcakes specifically, but I love them.  I think for me it's the giving them away part that is the best.  The first time I made a batch in Kirkland and drove around giving them away (so I wouldn't eat them all) really got me hooked.  I loved seeing the surprise on everyone's faces.  Nothing better... maybe I should be a delivery person for a flowershop or something.  I think I get the same feeling day in and day out!

January- Alicia's Lil' Peanut Baby Shower

February- I made Kumquat cupcakes and delivered to some friends before I moved (no pictures)

March- Birthday Cupcakes for my 3 sister in-laws.  I think it's cool that they all have birthdays in March

  

July and August- I branched our with Cake Pops for Pioneer Day and a Trifle for Joie's birthday

October- Churro Cupcakes for final in Content Area Literacy

 

November- Apple Strussel Cheesecake Bites for my birthday... and then again for Thanksgiving

December- For Alina's baby shower I made Chocolate and Raspberry cupcakes

And I attempted to make Llama cupcakes for my Dad's birthday

Year in Review

I'm finally settling into my room at my parents apartment in Salt Lake City.  Life has been so full these past two weeks that I haven't unpacked until today.  As I did so I came across my green planner that my sister put in my care box she gave to me the morning I moved to Utah.  It was an awful time in my life, and she was so thoughtful to send me off with a box full of things to bring me comfort.  The note on my planner said, "To plan for your new future."  Tonight I picked up the planner and started to thumb through it.  So much has happened this year.

As the end of the year approached, my family and I had been seriously anticipating the close of this most trying year.  We talked and talked about how glad we would be to see this year end and leave us alone.  Then my Dad passed away on December 30th.  While I knew for months that my Dad wouldn't make it to the new year, it was a difficult, yet peaceful day.

I found myself on New Years Eve, eating dinner with my whole family (expect Dad) realizing I didn't feel as happy as I thought I'd be to be seeing the year end.  It meant, I'd never see my Dad for the rest of my mortal life.  It meant I'd probably never see Jeremy again.  It meant the end to so much that I loved, and while I am hopeful for the future, it was a hard realization for me.

I tried hard that night to stop reflecting on the hard things of the year and focus on all the good things that happened... there were so many.  So here's the 2011 RECAP (the good and the not so good):

January...the most stressful, trying month of my life to date.  Jeremy and I separated at the end of the month.

February...I packed up my life and belongings and moved to Utah. My awesome sister's in-law filled up my first few days back in Utah (I don't know if they did it on purpose, but it was the best thing that could have happened).  Met up with my life time friend Melanie for lunch.  Took a last minute trip to Cali to see my grandparents.  Had an awesome job interview, was offered the job, but for some reason I felt it wasn't right and turned it down.  Val and Chris graciously fly me out to D.C. to spend just over a week with them and then to Arizona to be with Megan Ruth.

March... While in Arizona, Mom calls and tells me they've found a mass in my Dad's brain.  The day I fly back we meet with the doctors and Dad is diagnosed with terminal brain cancer.  My sisters come home right before surgery and I ask the amazing Justin Hackworth to take pictures while we hold a family dinner.  Best decision of the YEAR!  Spent my days taking Dad from one doctor's appointment to the next.  Dad has successful brain surgery.

April... Most days spent at home helping to take care of Dad post surgery.  Ran a 5K with Val and Chris in SLC.  Went to Melanie's baby shower.  Had my first interview with Ogden Valley Science School.  We host a HUGELY successful garage sale.

May... Ran the Provo 5K with Katie.  Attended first Rooftop Concert with Andy and Alina.  Flew to Seattle.  Spent a wonderful day with Amanda, Zoe and Alton.  Went to court the next day, upon seeing Jeremy for the first time since February, I can't stop crying.  WORST DAY EVER.  Had a lovely lunch with my Kirkland friends (I miss you all terribly)!  Flew back to Salt Lake and started my summer job as Summer Program Director for Ogden Valley Science School.

June... Moved to Eden!  Started camp and completed 3 successful weeks.  Visited my cousin, Jessica, in Bear Lake and helped with her Fight Against Cancer 5K.

Somewhere in there I planted my parents garden that Dad wanted so badly!

July... We had the BEST Smith Family 4th of July ever!  Completed 2 more successful weeks of camp.  Rob, Katie, Lincoln and Sawyer come visit me in Eden.  Threw and awesome Pioneer Day party (complete with friends from Washington who POPPED in).  Lunch with the Brough's and Dave Ullah.  Ben came from Arizona to visit me at camp in Eden.  Road trip to the Uinta's to have lunch with Dad at the trail head.

August... Finished camp and the relaxed in sunny St. George with the Burnham's.  Ran my first (and last) 1/2 marathon.  The Hartely's came to visit, we had dinner with the Burnham's.  Moved in with my little brother and family and quickly started classes at BYU.

September... Nathan came to visit just before school officially took over my life.  Dad had his first stroke, spent the night in the ER.  Had a wonderful time at my cousin's wedding.

October... Finished 2 classes, started one more.  Rooftop concert with new friend from school.  Started spending Tuesday and Thursday afternoons with my Dad = best decision of the year.  BYU football game with the Mo's and Dave Ullah. Awesome Imagine Dragons concert at Velour with Emily.

November...Spent my 31st birthday in Arizona.  Hiked around the Natural Bridge.  Caught up with my childhood friend, Jesse, after I don't know how many years.  Saw the best RV demolition derby EVER with The Guderian's, the Lindstrom's and Ben.  Dad was honored at the JCC.  First thanksgiving with my family after 6 years = I got to eat stuffing and gravy!


December...Finished classes (straight A's)!  Moved to SLC.  Spent as much time with my Dad and family as possible including Zoo lights, temple square, a fantastic birthday party for my dad and a wonderful family Christmas party.  Dinner with Val, Chris, Melanie and Mark.  Dad passed away and we spent New Year's eve as a family.

Letters to My Dad, Part 2

** This letter was written to my Dad and placed in a notebook with letters from other family members back in 2009 for my Dad's 60th birthday **

Dear Daddy,

I don’t know that words could ever adequately express my love for you and the immense gratitude I have for you as my Father.  Hopefully I can share a few of the things that I have appreciated and the fun Memories you have helped create for me. But I do know that I strive everyday to express my love and gratitude through the person I have become and to make you proud to be my Dad.

My most abundant memories of you and of our family involve work.  From an early age I was taught the value of work, first from you as the provider.  You sacrificed so much of your time, and of yourself to work and provide for us.  I feel like we as your children were taught something many kids are not, and that is the true value of work.  You taught through work, that we take care of each other, and help the family out.  As much as we all complained about getting up and cleaning, or doing the newspaper route, or just doing chores at home… those experiences are very dear to me, some of my most happy times with you and my siblings.  Here are just a few I can remember:

·        Robert stamping me with the REJECT stamp while cleaning the radiation office (not to mention him shutting the door while I was in the radiation room)

·        Amy, Andy and I locking ourselves out of the ReMax building and walking home together

·        Listening to you and Andy snore when we pulled over to take naps in between jobs

·        Singing with Mel as we threw the paper route. 

It was because of these experiences that we all became friends with each other.  And there’s no better gift than that.  You taught me how important it was to work, that work brought opportunity.  When I wanted things that were extra or luxury, you helped me find a way to do it.  I remember cleaning the pool on river road (that filter was always so gross) to earn enough money to buy the things at Sea World I wanted, or to go to Academy for Girls.

You taught me to give to the Lord. I’ll never forget the yellow box with the blue book.  You taught me to serve when you took the time to buy flowers on Mother’s Day for your female employees at Chapman.  Most importantly you taught me that I was loved.  You took what little time away from work you had to spend it with me.  I remember the many adventures you, Andy and I took.  We loved being with you whether at the zoo or dropping the boy scouts off at camp and then taking our sweet time driving home.  Fondly I look back at my time raising and showing “Star.”  That was something you and I had, just the two of us.  I will never forget that! 

You instilled in me a love for the mountains and for creation.  I know you find the solace and rejuvenation in the wilderness that I do.  I’m so happy that you took us out camping and exploring.  That was the foundation for what has become my passion!

I’m grateful to you for always being willing and able to give me Father’s Blessings.  Those were the best starts to the school year.  And as I’ve gotten older and understood their significance and effect on my life, I have appreciated them even more.  I have many that I have written down what I could remember soon after, and used them to help guide me over and over.  Thank You for showing me the importance of having a worthy priesthood holder in my own home.  Your advice and wisdom, your concern for my happiness and well being will always be appreciated.

Dad, I have always been proud of you.  I have always thought I had a cool Dad and wanted to share you with my friends.  I was so happy to see so many of my friends (especially the boys in Oak City) look up to you and respect you as I did.  I can only wish for my children the happy life that you created for me, and a Father as loving and faithful as you are.

With all my love,

Goose