Lost

Two weeks ago I felt like I was lost.  I didn't know what I was going to do, or where my life was headed.  I didn't even feel like I knew where on the path of life I was so that I could try and plot a course to move forward.  It's been frustrating.  But all of this was swallowed up with a more pressing concern in my life; my Dad.

This past week my life has been consumed with helping my Mom and Dad.  There is something to be said for loosing yourself while serving others.  I have thought little (compared to the weeks prior) of my personal woes.  And it's been great.  We're taught in Matthew 10:39 that "he who loseth his life for my sake shall find it."  I really am grateful to be home with my parents right now.  I'm grateful I can be of service to them, especially after all the service they've given me for the past 30 years.  I'm trying to ask in my morning prayers for opportunities to serve, because then I will be found!

The story of my Dad's fight against "the Deathstar" (or his tumor) is chronicled here: www.davidstumor.blogspot.com

Pendulum



I had this thought pop in my mind while I was reading my scriptures the other morning.  It has nothing to do with what I was reading, so I'm taking it as pure inspiration to carry me through the next few days.

The Spirit whispered to me, "You can still be happy.  In fact you can be happier than you ever have been.  Because you have to go through the bad to know the good." 

I thought for a minute about that, and had to agree with the Spirit.  It's doctrinally based after all.  Adam and Eve ate of the fruit, and had to pass through sorrow that they might know good (happiness) from evil (unhappiness).  Plus remember that when Alma recounts his conversation story he said, "my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!"

While I was soaking up the Arizona sun a few weeks ago with Megan Ruth and Erik, Megan talked to me about life as a pendulum.  She said that I might feel like I'm way over on one side (the not so fun side of life), but that at some point it has to swing back to the other side (the fun side).  I think the principle fits well here.  And if I add the two together, it means it's going to swing back to me "joy as exceeding as was pain!"

And then the more I think about it, the more I know that I can feel that joy now, even during my pain!  It's called remembering my blessings and living life with gratitude.  So I might buy this poster to hang in my newly decorated room (pictures of the room to come as soon as I finish and find space for all of my stuff)!

(buy it here)

PS.  It's actually difficult to find an image of a pendulum because there is a band called Pendulum.  Who Knew?!

Ruts

boring situation: a routine procedure, situation, or way of life that has become uninteresting and tiresome

The beginning of this week I felt like I was stuck in a rut. But I didn't really know that is what I was feeling.  As I was taking Max The Dog (as my nephews affectionately call him) for a run in the field by my house, I was finding it hard to stay out of the ruts.  And I started to contemplate how much easier it is to stay out of a rut when you are on the higher ground and can see them.  And also how hard it is to get out of the rut once you are in it. 

My life isn't necessarily boring right now... because there is plenty of drama happening.  However, my thoughts about my life were stuck in a rut.  But as the week closes, there are a few pieces of inspiration that have helped me climb out of this weeks rut, and I'd like to share them with you!

First, I'm redoing my room to give me a fresh outlook... 

Today I get to hang out with my Dad.  We'll be running errand (finding a home for Max the Dog to stay in outside now that it's warming up) and I'll be sitting in the waiting room while he does some MRI's.  I'll have plenty of time to contemplate what to do next with life.  And this song lifted my spirits!

When you find you are in a rut... what gets you out? 

Portion Control

Let me preface this post with: I know that Heavenly Father knows what he is doing and doesn't really need to learn what I'm about to say...

Since Sunday morning I've been thinking that I would like to have a sit down with Heavenly Father and teach him about portion control.  You know the drill.  One should only eat so much.  But what I'd like to tell Heavenly Father is that One person can only take so much in the way of trials.  Or I should really be specific and say that I can only take so much. 

My family found out this weekend that my Dad has a brain tumor. When I told Valerie she said, "Can you take any more?"  to which I replied, "No."  Right after that phone call I was sitting with Megan Ruth and she said, "Just when you think your plate is full, Heavenly Father makes it bigger."  That really wasn't what I wanted to hear.  But today I learned it's true.  The Neurosurgeon hasn't given a very favorable long term outlook for my Dad's life.  And suddenly I learned that the plate just keeps getting bigger.

If in the picture above Green = Trials and Orange = Blessings, I feel like Heavenly Father has put me on "The Diet" and in reality I wish I had the "Extra Ordinary".  I could deal with that... it even has more trials than blessings but seems a bit more even.  I don't know what all the other colors would represent.

In reality I know I'm extremely blessed and in fact have more blessings then I deserve.  Those include... an incredible family, an amazing Father, and all of you.  And ultimately knowing that we have a loving Heavenly Father who watches over us through all of these trials and a Savior to help carry the burdens we are called upon to carry gives me peace and comfort.  And knowing that already means the Orange portion of my plate consumes the Green portion.  For that I am thankful!